it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
