After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
