Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
