How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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