did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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