Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
