census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can I color on your dick again?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
