The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
