The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
