I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
