New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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