perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
