you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
