he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize