If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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