I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
