He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Mom said you looked used
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
