was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
