Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
