Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
