i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
