Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
