i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
