She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
