Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
