I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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