we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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