I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Cover your peen. We're going out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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