Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
