i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
