he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
