A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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