So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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