What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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