yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
