gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
