just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
