So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
