Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
