Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think i have herpe
just one?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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