If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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