Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
