Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
