Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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