I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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