I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
