I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
