There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
