It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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