I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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