The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
