ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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