I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
