I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
